I know you’re not going to believe this, but everything I say in this message is 100 percent true. I don’t have much time to write this as he’s coming for me. Please heed my warnings if you decide to buy Mario Kart 8 for the Wii U.
It was a peaceful day in my hometown, and Mario Kart 8 was coming out exactly a week from now. I was super excited to play it on my Wii U and I was just raring to get my Mario Kart fix, so I went online and checked some stores on the off-chance someone was selling the game early.
Luckily enough for me I found a site called dontbuythingsfromthissite.com that was selling Mario Kart 8 early, although the packaging wasn’t the same as usual. The packaging displayed showed Luigi on the front instead of Mario, and the text displayed Luigi Kart 666. I figured it was just a minor issue and it wouldn’t effect the gameplay very much, so I ordered a copy. Weirdly enough right after I ordered it I got a knock on my door. I opened it and there was an old man in a trench coat with a large beard. He said in a raspy voice “Delivery for you.” and handed me my copy of Mario Kart 8, saying it was free. He added “Please, do yourself a favor and destroy the disc. Don’t play it. You’ll regret it.” I ignored him.
I was absolutely ecstatic. I opened the case and the disc was just blank with the words “Luigi Kart 666” written in green permanent marker. I shrugged it off as it probably wouldn’t affect the game at all. I slid the disc into the Wii U and the console started making loud noises. I ignored it and launched the game. On the booting up screen Kefka from Final Fantasy 6’s laugh could be heard. Once the game finally loaded a high-pitched, loud scream emitted from the speakers. The opening text said “TURN BACK NOW, HE WILL GET YOU”
The only cup that was available was called the Hell Cup, which consisted of only two tracks, Toad Harbor and Wii Grumble Volcano, the latter of which extended on the last 2 empty spots in the grand prix. At this point, I was starting to be afraid as this was abnormal, but I continued on anyway. I mean, what could a video game possibly do to me?
When I got to the character selection screen I was only able to select a single character- Waluigi. I found this odd as well, but shrugged it off as a minor glitch. Maybe this disc had some scratches on it, because that’s exactly how video games work.
I started the Grand Prix and there were only two racers. Waluigi, and Luigi. Who was staring at Waluigi. I was starting to get creeped out. As soon as the race started Luigi kept bumping into Waluigi and eventually knocked him out of his kart. That shouldn’t happen! After that Luigi pulled a green shell out of his pocket, staring at Waluigi with hyper-realistic eyes. He threw the green shell directly at Waluigi’s skull and the screen cut to black as I heard Waluigi scream loudly in agony. After that the screen cut back in and Luigi was seen racing past the finish line and the screen displayed “666th place: Luigi” and the next race started in Grumble Volcano.
I noticed that my character was switched to a model of myself, perfectly remade into a Mario character. I was once again only in a race with Luigi. He looked towards me and I noticed his eyes were different. His eyes were completely black and his pupils were red, and hyper-realisitc blood was coming out of his eyes. At this point I screamed, but what came out wasn’t my voice. It sounded like Waluigi’s voice. What the fuck was going on?!
When the race started I made sure to get the starting boost, desperately trying to stay away from Luigi as he was catching up to me, with a green shell in his hand. I couldn’t get away. He threw his green shell with a ridiculous amount of precision, and then he knocked me into the lava. He started laughing as my character started burning in the lava, and there was a loud pitched scream coming from the speakers and it was super scary and I think there was a shark too somewhere in there.
After that, the game had a disc read error and I took it out of the Wii U and smashed it to pieces with a sledgehammer, and threw it in the trash. I vowed to never play a Mario Kart game again because this experience was absolutely scarring. I went back onto my computer and went to the website that sold me the game and my browser told me that the page didn’t exist.
Due to my disc being destroyed, I can not prove to you that the game has ever existed. I’ve also suffered from what seems to be third degree burns all over my body after the experience. I have to warn you, if someone tells you that they’ll give you a game for a low price or before its release date, don’t trust them. For all you know it could be some demonic demon who haunts games for a living.
(written by [http://trollpasta.wikia.com/wiki/User_talk:Yocow Yocow] )